The weather is cold and grey and we don't have much snow---but we do have ice. And so this has become a typical outfit for me: layers of stockings, and socks, and boots, and petticoats, and one of my homemade skirts (like this brown Simplicity 7880 one), and a sweater, and a wool beret, and a wool scarf, and leather gloves, and of course a very heavy coat. It makes 20 degree days and ice on the creek more bearable for my still Californian blood. This coat is from California, thrifted in San Diego while we were visiting our in-laws last year. I wondered if I should buy it because it was so big and heavy and takes up so much closet space, but I'm very grateful for its warmth now, and consider my $12 well spent. I think the best place to find wonderful coats is where it doesn't get very cold---all of my best heavy coats are from California, and even though I search for them at the thrift stores here, I rarely find any, because the good ones are all worn out. Well, I guess I will have to gear myself up and sew myself a new coat soon. . .
This is a typical outfit for me during these moderately cool autumn days with the leaves very thick on the ground and very thin on the trees. I am wearing my homemade navy blue broadcloth skirt with a recently thrifted ruffled navy and green plaid blouse and a recently thrifted navy crocheted shawl. Blue for autumn feels fitting during a time when the weather alone can make you melancholy. Reading the recent news about sexual assault and harassment against women in the workplace makes me feel even more melancholy. It brings up some varied bad memories for me, from experiences I cannot even talk about to my recent encounter with a young man in a big truck who said some lewd things to me while I waited at the corner to cross the street. Sometimes I wonder if dressing up and caring about my clothing means that I am making myself more susceptible to these kinds of encounters because I am drawing more attention to myself as the lone woman in a long dress in a community of women in jeans and flannel, but then I think back to my more plainly dressed college days (when I had short hair and didn't wear makeup, and wore a lot of jeans and flannel) and how I would still get flashed signs that said "show us your boobs" by trucks full of men in their early twenties as they drove by slowly in Los Angeles bumper-to-bumper traffic, and I think no-----it does not matter how you look, if you are female it is very likely that some man (or men) will sometime, somewhere be inappropriate. And it will probably happen again and again. Certainly that has been my own experience, and most women I talk to have similar stories that range from the smallest of rude gestures and comments to the most serious of violations.
I won't let fear or rudeness or the actions of certain men keep me from dressing the way I want to dress and having long hair. I have had one experience that went beyond being made uncomfortable into the realm of sexual assault. And I have to admit that afterwards I couldn't stand the dress I was wearing went it happened, even though it was one I had made myself and was fond of before that. I threw that dress away. But I didn't change any aspect of my appearance because I felt like at the time of that encounter the man who harassed me took my choices away from me, and I couldn't bear to let him take any more choices from me after it was over. I choose to keep wearing dresses. I chose to look feminine. That is my choice, and I won't let other people take it away from me no matter what they say or do to make me feel bad. Wearing dresses makes me feel good about myself. Wearing skirts reminds me of the feminine legacy of which I am a part by nature of my birth. Dresses and skirts make me feel more elegant, more unique, more myself. They are also practical and comfortable for my lifestyle. I remember in middle school one of my male friends told me that he had heard (erroneously or not) that women who wore skirts or dresses were raped more often because it was easier/quicker for a man to violate them than a woman in pants. I also remember reading articles over the years that said that wearing jewelry or heels is dangerous for women because it makes it harder to run away from a man or to defend oneself in a fight. Although in general most men are bigger than me, so I can't see being at an advantage running away or fighting ever, no matter what I am wearing. It is a cruel thing to have your actions dictated by fear, to lose beauty and joy because of fear, to change oneself from fear, to throw away beautiful things that make one happy and grateful because of fear. The one thing that makes me glad about reading about the recent lawsuits is that the women in them are defending themselves and trying to bring the consequences back to the men who hurt them, which is as it should be. Those who hurt should bear the consequences of their actions and change their ways, not those who have been hurt. We women should have all our choices open to us: to wear a dress or to wear pants----because we like them, not because one is 'safer' than the other.
There are so many paradoxes that women have to live with (speak out, but don't speak up----be strong, but don't be frightening----beauty is both power and weakness----care for others, but do/don't care for yourself----work the same job as your male peers but for less pay----try to work in a field that discriminates against women but don't let that discrimination keep you from being successful, etc. etc. etc.) and so many pressures from every direction that all one can do is acknowledge the unfairness of the world and many situations we must encounter, and then to do what one can to make one's own corner of the world a better and fairer place. Sometimes I have no idea how to do that, or how to be a 'woman,' so I think: I will try to be myself, and find out who that is. I will try to be kind. I will try to make objects of beauty. I will try to share when I have a chance to share. And that will have to be good enough, because it is all I can do. I will wear dresses when I want to and as often as I want to. I will try to shape my own life as much as I can and not let other people's choices be the primary molder of mine.
This was one of the last photos I took in our old apartment, while the weather was up and down between late-summer hot and early autumn cool. I am wearing my navy twill jacket (reviewed here) and my navy broadcloth skirt (reviewed here) with a vintage pale blue striped shirt with a white collar I found at the thrift store and a new sterling silver Stuart Nye pansy brooch that I found on Ebay for only a few dollars. It was black with tarnish when I got it, but after some polish, it is quite lovely, I think. Pansies have been one of my favorite flowers since I was a child, for their cheerful faces, and royal colors, and because ‘pansies are for thoughts.’
We’ve been having a hot spell in California, and so I’ve been grateful for all the cotton in my handmade wardrobe. This was an outfit I was particularly pleased with for being cool but still interesting when I wore it last week on yet another 90 plus degree day: the blouse I reviewed here, and the recently completed gingham skirt I reviewed here. I made the citrine necklace, too, which I blogged about recently here.
Mr and Mrs Rat
Mr and Mrs Rat like to sew